


can we pretend that we're in love?

by orphan_account



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - College/University, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Mutual Pining, Not Beta Read, Pining, Post-Time Skip, Sad, i guess, idk what to tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-12
Updated: 2020-09-12
Packaged: 2021-03-06 14:20:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,802
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26420281
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: what happens if you don't confess?
Relationships: Kageyama Tobio/Kunimi Akira
Comments: 2
Kudos: 25





	can we pretend that we're in love?

**Author's Note:**

> title is from halsey's is there somewhere. also, this is my first time posting a story and it's not beta read. i didn't even check for mistakes ahahaha

"Some things, once you've loved them, become yours forever. And if you try to let them go, they only circle back and return to you. They become a part of who you are."

— **Kill Your Darlings**

☆ 

Alcohol plus the strobe lights in the party make Akira's head throb. It pulsates and nauseates him, causing him to run and escape from the room. It's suffocating there, with his head throbbing and the space being so small due to the people inside. The feeling is similar to atoms being compressed in a small box, no space between them.

He escapes to the cramped balcony, beside the dying house plant, slumped against the railing with chipping white paint, revealing the rusted color of the metal. His shirt feels too hot, fabric sticking onto his skin. Akira takes off his leather jacket, rolls it into a messy fold and traps it under his hand on his folded leg. 

It's the first time Kunimi Akira is not interested in a party; the first time he is not feeling like partying hard, drinking too much, kissing strangers and waking up in a fuck-buddy's room. Tonight he just wants to fall asleep, sink in the comforts of his bed. 

The view before him are the stars up in the sky, forming into constellations. A moon is somewhere there, drunk Akira points at it like he has someone to show it to. He doesn't. He's giving himself his own company. And everyone has their own. Everyone has someone to party with, fuck with, argue with, go home with, and it doesn't matter if they don't know each other. What matters is that they provide the needed solace the other wants. 

Despite feeling sleepy, he can't sleep. Maybe the noise is too distracting. Perhaps his anxiety is activated. Or he's probably just dizzy enough to feel sleepy but doesn't feel the drowsiness at all. Nevertheless, he still wants to go home. 

Akira's legs are too tired and already gave up the idea of walking home or standing for a long time, looking for a cab to take him home. He doesn't trust anyone to take him home safely. Matsukawa, Hanamaki, Iwaizumi and Oikawa are all wasted and busy indulging themselves in the tastes of each other, which Akira rolls his eyes to. Every single human being in that party either kisses one or fucks two. No one is a loner but him. 

But it is unusual for him to be alone. Akira isn't a loner — he has friends, hookups, but they have better things to do; better people to do. His solitude lingers for a while, long enough for him to force his legs to move, but someone else joins him, sits on the balcony floor across Akira. The stranger is too familiar to be ignored. He has sapphire eyes, obsidian hair, ivory skin and peach cheeks. He is not a no one, not even just to Akira but to everyone else. 

At least anyone who attends his university knows who Kageyama Tobio is. They know him as the Mozart of the university's volleyball team; a prodigy, nourished talents his grandfather took credit for; and a handsome face. Those people know Tobio as who he is when they see him — as the appearance of his façade. 

Kunimi Akira knows him enough to keep peel off his façade and know what color belongs to this area, and what emotion belongs to this expression. Tobio is a middle school friend, a star who shines brighter than the rest of a constellation ( Sirius? Even brighter, Akira thinks ), the ripe one in a basket of raw fruits. Younger Akira was aware Tobio's brightness would lead him to better opportunities, meet people in the same prowess and desire as him, but the path there was different from the path Akira wanted to take. 

Tobio turns to face Akira, a soft smile on his face. "Kunimi," he softens the tone, though still deep and rough at the edges. "How are you?" 

What Tobio doesn't know is how much Akira has changed. There is a period of time in their lives where they shared the same feelings for each other, but it faded away like the dandelion puffs Akira gave to Tobio. All of that lovey dovey, sappy shit is gone, along with Akira's feelings for him. The little puffs carried it away. 

However, tonight is different. A warm clench in his heart akin to swell constricts the pulse in his heart, and his breath hitches. "Good, I guess," he answers, almost in the manner of lying. "How 'bout you? How's athlete life in college treating you?" 

Tobio smiles, and of course he will smile if it has to do anything with volleyball. Anything he pours his passion into. "Yeah, very much," he answers, smile still there, and there is an implication of euphoria. This is what he had been dreaming of as a kid, and now that he has it, there is nothing more that he will wish for it. But this is Tobio, and he is going to find a way to soar even higher. 

He isn't Icarus, whose artificial wings melted under strong rays of the sun. His wings are strong, steady, and will lead him even beyond the universe and its entirety. Because a boy like him deserves to reach the peak of every high point. He can do it, no doubt. He can do anything. 

"Law treating you good?" Tobio asks. Akira blinks at him. He is aware Tobio has been able to come out of his nutshell, meet new people and has little to no problem when it comes to socializing. He changed in the course of four years. This Kageyama Tobio is different from the one he knew. 

The world wraps itself around him, which is why Tobio never gets to hang out his first friends — Akira and Yuutarou. Shouyou, Kei, Tadashi and Hitoka are with him sometimes, but he frequents around Ushijima and Hoshiumi more. It's being in the same team really has an advantage on their friendship. They are always together. 

But instead of bluffing and making a fool of himself just because of an ingestion of new information, Akira smiles lazily and answers, "Yeah." In reality, it doesn't. As much as he wants to become a lawyer, the way to it isn't just a walk across the room and exit through a door. It's more of like a jungle — you need to use all aspects of yourself; physical, emotional, and mental. Not to mention how abusive the workload is. 

If Akira has part-time work, he wouldn't be seen in parties. Ever. 

"I just figured," says the athlete, "Would you like to go outside?" 

It's late. The orangey hue of the streetlights, the artificial lights in buildings, neon signs, the stars and the moon accompany them on their walk. Akira doesn't have a car, Tobio has a free ride from Wakatoshi, so they really have nothing to leave at the party. They pretty much brought themselves only at the party. 

Now that that's off their bucket list, Akira and Tobio walk in the streets in zigzag motion. The quiet outside world belongs to them. No one else is going to bother them. There is barely a human being out there. 

It's quiet, too. 

Neither Akira or Tobio tries to speak up. Afraid — they are afraid of the words they want to let out. Hint: they long for each other. A forgotten feeling springs out of the little bubble in Akira's chest. He recalls letting it fly away with the puffs of a dandelion, carry bits of it to someone else and let them nurture it. Yet here he is, and that specific emotion is a seed blooming into a flower, wrapping its roots around his sternum. 

He pauses. Tobio pauses. The young man who is a few steps advanced turns around, a curiosity painted on his face. "Kunimi?" 

Akira wakes back into reality. To his left, a convenience store is established. He pulls Tobio inside, a pretentious façade on his face morphed into a carved expression of stoicism. "Want to make our own party?" Asks the guy with a pair of brown eyes, on the pretext of having more gazing at the sapphire stones hidden in the stone block of an orb.

And who is Tobio to deny?

☆ 

Tobio misses Akira.

Where is the point of denying something when it's literally screaming in your head?

He was having fun in the party when he noticed Akira slumped against the railings of the cramped balcony. His friends were too busy with their own shenanigans, which was why he had the freedom to leave them to it and join Akira. Of course he made sure it didn't seem as if he knew Akira was alone. More like just walking there to take a rest as well. 

At the moment, he is looking through refrigerator of milk, trying to find his favorite brand. An indie song plays softly in the background, presumably coming from the cashier lady's mini speaker. He finds his favorite brand at the back of the refrigerator, expiring in two months. He grabs it and walks up to Akira, who has already picked the chips and two cups of instant ramen, one liter of Sprite and two bottles of water. 

"That's a lot," Tobio comments. "How long are we holding our party anyway?" 

"As long as you stay awake," Akira replies with a smirk. "I can last a whole day because of school."

After purchasing their five-star buffet, the next step is finding the venue. Akira takes the lead this time, trying to find open stores to hang out in. Most stores are closed, and the only open ones are pawnshops. But at the very end of the street before the intersection, there is a laundry shop that functions 24/7. Akira grabs his wrist and pulls him in. 

The action twists the muscles in his stomach, weighing down in the pit. His cheeks are burning, reaching to the tip of his ears. Akira always inflicts that effect on him. No one else can, and a part of him thinks Akira is just naturally charming. His stoicism, and the counted occasions of him showing an ecstatic expression is probably what counts as a charm, for one can't simply summon a happy Akira out of nowhere. 

Still and all, Tobio realizes how long they have been distant. The fire on the torch of their friendship is still set ablaze, sometimes more intense at given circumstances. Akira's company has always been welcomed by Tobio. Oftentimes he doesn't have to say yes when Akira asks him and just welcomes him with open arms instead. 

The distance between them in that painful span of four years must have caused the atmosphere encompassing them to become stale, dull and monochromatic. It's like leaving a meal on the table for days, untouched, and then it reaches it's spoilage. It's like a flower left unattended, life ending during withering. 

But now that they are reunited formally ( because the small talks when passing by each other don't count ), Tobio contemplates. What does he feel for Kunimi Akira? Who is he to him? 

To others, Akira is:

1\. Kunimi-kun  
2\. The legal management student who is always beside Kindaichi Yuutarou  
3\. Stoic-faced guy who barely shows effort  
4\. He's six foot tall? No way!  
5\. Side-swept haired guy

To Tobio, Akira is:

1\. Kunimi Akira  
2\. A hardworking guy on the things he is passionate about  
3\. A kisser who kisses tenderly like Aphrodite and tastes bitterly sweet like Dionysus.   
4\. The first and last person who has planted a seed in his heart and blooms into what they call an infatuation.   
5\. An embodiment of Tobio's aspiration

In color of hot pink, the neon sign has the logo of the laundry shop and its name. Inside, there is no one but them and the woman at the cashier. She doesn't seem to care about them, perhaps at customers in general since the establishment is a self-service laundry shop. 

Akira and Tobio sit on the bench, their paper bags of their snacks and drinks between them. Almost everywhere they go, a soft song is playing in the background. This time, it's Dream A Little Dream of Me by Ella Fitzgerald and Louis Armstrong. Akira opens the cup of instant ramen, Tobio copies him. The former grabs the latter's cup and heads to the cashier lady in front, who happens to be acquainted with Akira ( apparently, this is where Akira takes his laundry to ). She prepares an electronic kettle filled with water for him. 

While waiting for the water to boil, Tobio fidgets the hem of his shirt. His head is filled with a lot of thoughts and questions, even a permanent memory of Akira's face. The style of his hair, the slope of his nose, the peachiness of his lips, his septum piercing, his dewy skin and the secret smile. He can memorize it even better than anything in his anatomy lessons. Akira has this power on him that no one can ever maneuver, like something divine. 

With two cups of ramen, Akira comes back. He hands Tobio his cup first before sitting down on his seat. They simultaneously blow away the heat, then break the disposable chopsticks in half, slurping the noodles into their mouths. It's too awkward, and the cashier lady herself feels how dense the atmosphere is between them. She stands up, clears her throat, then says, "I'm just going to check the rooms. You two _have fun_ ," and it comes out as a drawl. 

The one who breaks the silence is Akira. "Don't you have stuff to do later? Why did you agree to come?" He asks. He isn't complaining since he's the one who invited him after all, but of course it's his responsibility to know if Tobio is risking anything for this. Or maybe not, but he shouldn't get ahead of himself.

"I'd ask you the same question, to be honest," Tobio bluntly replies, slowly shifting his gaze to Akira, who is already looking at him, slurping his noodles afterwards. Akira chuckles, gaze falling down at his half-filled ramen cup. He stirs the noodles in the broth using his chopsticks. "I don't have classes tomorrow," he replies. "And you? That question was originally for you."

"Same," Tobio replies. "I only have to catch up on my afternoon classes tomorrow so it's okay."

"Isn't it Saturday tomorrow? I thought that's solely practice day for athletes."

"Makeup classes."

Returning back to silence becomes easier than talking, but both Tobio and Akira want to say something. Words seem hesitant of being let out, to provoke reactions and emanate emotions. 

Little bits of conversation knit themselves with holes in between. Those holes are the times when they sit there, not in silence, but the sounds of their teeth cracking the chips that reprieve them from the nauseating stillness and deafening devoid of sound. 

Their topics remain simple. Maybe that's how it's supposed to be. It's supposed to be just a regular night, catching up with your company's life, knowing what they have been up to. Akira is used to that, Tobio isn't. Akira starts off most questions, Tobio only correlating his own to Akira's. Most questions are just soft inquiries about each other, not the typical "how's life?", "has Japan talked to you about the under 19?", "is law shitty?". Akira asks him if he enjoys being around his teammates, Tobio asks him which topic he likes the most. 

It's as though they are indulging deeper with each other. Asking questions that will just render an answer and not knowing something more about each other doesn't seem to be their strategy. Because they are interested. Tobio is interested about the life Akira is leading now, and same goes to Akira. 

Tobio feels a little guilty for seeming so dull with his questions. Like he just wants to be on par with Akira's questions. He wants to go back in time, to repair those four years of separation from Akira, fix his old self, so Akira wouldn't misunderstand him. So life could have been slightly easier, lighter, and just like before his grandfather died. Unfortunately, it's too late for that now. It's better to live in the moment than confide in the past — Atsumu's advice. 

Blue eyes are staring at Akira. Kageyama Tobio is incredibly fond of his voice. Akira is talking, lips stretching into a grin when he tells him a story about school that is hilarious. He sniffs due to the smell of the laundry shop, his nose not being tolerant of the detergent's scent. 

He wants to kiss him, but that's too selfish. No one in their right mind would push the empty wrappers of chips on the floor and scoot closer to their company, kissing them passionately in a laundry shop. Tobio almost considers that, but Akira stands up from his seat and walks to a washing machine, hops onto it and his legs dangle, the backs of his ankles pattering slowly against the circular lid of the machine. 

Akira pats the washing machine next to him, as if beckoning him to sit down on it. "I suppose you aren't heavy enough to dent up the machine," he jests. Tobio frowns playfully and grabs the empty wrappers of their food and empty bottle of Sprite, throwing them into the trash bin before hopping onto the washing machine. 

Oftentimes, Tobio spots him at the library, studying; at a party, dancing and drinking; in the arms of a stranger, sleeping soundly — he wonders if that would happen, had he gotten the courage to be more expressive of his bottled up feelings. He brushes off that thought, wanting to cherish this precious time together with him. 

This guy wants nothing more than living his dream with the man of his dreams. A part of him pushes for a confession, letting his younger self become victorious now, despite of the long delay. Sadly, that part has always been the neglected part of him. He doesn't care anymore. Confessing itself is a double edged sword, head or tail possibility, and a risky gamble with no sure victory to affirm him. Those are the problems with confessing that most people disregard. Their ignorant positivity isn't going to help. 

Tobio hadn't asked anyone for an advice, love-wise. Everyone has their own experiences and not a lot of those can help him. Each one has their own obstacles and own ways to reach the final route. He can't apply an advice that is only applicable for a certain situation. He needs to work this out on his own. 

And he does, but first, he cowers. 

That's okay, as long as he won't make that same mistake again. 

He is afraid of rejection. Akira might have worded it as soft as a person can ever make a rejection soft, but he won't take it well. Tobio knows himself, not wholly, but he is aware of how he will take judgment. This isn't volleyball, where his prowess is high, matured and developed. This is another section of his persona that he needs to nurture — the ability to love and render affection. 

_I never got over him. And I know that because I shouldn't be feeling this swell in my heart, wobbling of my knees, burning of my cheeks, coiling of my stomach whenever I see him and whenever he talks to me._

Akira probably doesn't feel the same way anymore. What's gone is gone, and he isn't the type to harbor feelings again. Tobio doesn't want to ruin this day because of a dumb confession, yet he wants to give himself a break. A break from that stressful concealing. But telling the truth will only bring more needles into the pain. It's only going to prick him ever more until it pushes him into a bed of thorny roses. 

"Kunimi," he calls him. Akira faces him, brows raised. His mind explodes first before he bears his sanity again, fishing something from his pocket. It's a good luck charm, rich in scarlet and gold. He hands it to Akira, who latches his eyes on the object while taking it from Tobio's hand. He hand brushes against his in the process. Tobio's hands are rough, a little calloused, but warm. Akira's hands are soft, slender but smooth. "It's a good luck charm for bar exam takers." 

A pair of wide eyes meets Tobio's soft blue ones and he smiles, knowing how much Akira appreciates the sentiment. It doesn't need affirmation of words, because Tobio knows enough that it isn't just a pretentious astonishment. 

"I…" Akira trails off, words cannot come out of his throat, stuck at the back of his mouth. Tobio grabs his left hand and entwines it with his right hand, assuring him with, "You don't need to say anything. I just want you to keep it for me and for yourself. I want to see you in a law firm someday, or still wearing your uniform if you watch my games." 

Tobio does not want to confess, but he subtly shows his true colors in a way Akira won't have a hint. He can pretend they are together in his dream, cherish their friendship in reality, and think about the future where Akira plays a role as big as the crowd watching him, where he bears the black and red jerseys of Japan. Akira doesn't have to realign the universe and love him back, what matters is that he is there. His mere existence is enough. 

As long as he is there. 

They can always pretend that they are in love with their fickle feelings inside their mind where imagination lives liberally. 

☆

Akira still can't believe that Tobio had a bar exam good luck charm and gave it to him. 

To him, the other guy seems to live his fulfilling the role of not just a setter, but a star. Akira wants to reach him, grasp him onto him so he can be on his level or to just have him by his side forever. Is he too selfish to wish for that? Is it too much to ask? He will never know. 

He isn't a coward when it comes to other things; he doesn't give a fuck about other things, but now he wants to be involved. Akira doesn't want to just spend this night with Tobio, needs more than the assurance of a good luck charm, and the subtle entwining of their hands together. He wants more and he is not going to say he does. 

Tobio is going to live the life he wants to. He requires freedom. Akira, who isn't going to fly as high as him won't restrict that anymore. Despite harboring those feelings again, the return of Tobio into his life, he isn't going to ask for more. The fear of ruining this moment because of a mere wish, a revelation of the truth, and destroying the entire friendship itself, with its fundamental roots ripped out of the soil, risking is not an option. Akira isn't going to risk that much. 

Living in the moment in their current state is enough. So what if they're friends? That's all they are going to be anyway. 

They are on their way home now, apartments not so far from each other. The streets are getting quieter as the midnight slowly passes into the early morning. It's cold and Akira's leather jacket is useless. Tobio's bomber jacket doesn't seem to give much warmth to him either. 

And he thinks, _Fuck this shit_ , and pulls Tobio into a hug. 

He may not see his face, but he knows the latter is surprised, especially since his arms are frozen, glued to his sides. Later, a pair of arms pull Akira closer to another's body, and they are hugging each other under the light of a streetlight. The stars are watching them, the moon sings for them. 

"It's cold," Akira says, either as an excuse and a reason. "Are you still cold?" He softens his voice, almost like a coo directly into Tobio's ears. 

"No. Are you?"

"No."

"W-We can stay like this for a while, if you want." 

They can pretend they are in love while preserving the essence of their friendship. Because this might not be the right time, or there will never be a right time at all.

☆ 

"My building is over here."

It's Tobio who leaves first. He doesn't want to - he wants to spend more time with Akira. The darkness of the night is slowly fading into lighter shade of blue, the sun teasing to rise. They haven't slept yet, stumbling onto objects they passed by until the reached the first building. Akira is only smiling, and in Tobio's eyes it appears as if he were okay with it. So he pretends he's not affected at all either, faking a smile that eventually fades away. "Goodbye, Kunimi."

"Goodbye, Kageyama."

There is no such thing as comfort in an empty apartment unit. It is dark and empty inside, the smell unidentifiable but not foul. He flicks open the lights, slumps against the door of his unit, and he sighs. Tobio is tired of concealing but he still keeps on doing it. He keeps on pretending - pretending he's contented with that. He can't and won't settle for less, he never did, but now, he's watching himself do exactly what he despises. This is even worse than losing a match, getting your tossed spike blocked, or failing a serve. 

He's going to continue living, thinking that Akira doesn't feel the same for him. Tobio is going to live not knowing his feelings have always and forever will be returned. He will soar the skies without the man of his dreams, who can only watch him from afar. Tobio is going to fly on his own now. No Kunimi Akira will join him in his sky high goals. He can't even envision his future with him there anyone. Akira will remain as a figment of a memory; a remnant of his past. 

Tobio thrashes his clothes when hot tears start to stream down his cheeks. "I don't want to cry!" He exclaims. "I don't want to cry about someone that doesn't even care about me anymore. Akira is fine. He's moved on… why can't I do that? Why am I so sensitive? Why do the little things attack me and ruin me so easily?!" 

He fists his shirt, right at the area of his chest where his heart is located. A thorn pokes in his sternum. Tobio is hurt, and his heart no longer needs repair. Things that remain broken will never be fixed, especially if its owner keeps on destroying it anyway. He shouldn't have entertained his offer. It wouldn't lead to him losing his control. 

But why is he even surprised? He never turns him down, always lowering his guard for Kunimi Akira. 

Whether Akira has moved on or not, Tobio should know that his pain is valid, and that it's okay to feel heartbroken. He doesn't need to be in the same pace of recovery as him. His recovery should follow the flow of the treatment to his heartbreak. And at the bright side, Akira is still his friend. It may be hard, disagreeable, but having him as a friend might just be enough already, because it's harder not having him by his side sometimes, and it will make the yearning worsen into falling in love. 

He will move forward on his own way.

☆ 

Akira wakes up.

He rubs his eyes, blinking twice as he starts his morning with an exasperated sigh as if he didn't have 12 hours of sleep, waking up around five-thirty in the afternoon. He sits up, vision turning a little dark at the corners of his sight - iron deficiency, huh. Being a college student doesn't always guarantee a healthy diet. No to mention Akira's body clock, waking up at random hours and skipping meals sometimes.

One side of him thinks whatever happened yesterday was a dream. Akira hopes it isn't, wants to be a memory, not just a realistic dream Kindaichi will laugh at. 

He goes into the bathroom, staring at his reflection. Dark circles are under his eyes, either smudged mascara forgotten to take off or actually just a product of his destroyed sleep schedule. At the side of his bathroom mirror, he sees a sticky note. It isn't a romantic sticky note where your partner leaves a little note for you. It's literally just a note to remind himself about the lessons he needs to do some advance reading on. 

Akira closes his eyes tightly, upper lip biting lower lip, hands crumpling into fists. Then he plops on his toilet bowl, its lid cold and solid. He leans forward, elbows propped on his lap, face hidden in his palms. Sobs are heard. Heart is shattered. Dreams fade away like the dandelion puffs that once carried his feelings away. 

Stupid feelings. 

His chest heaves, breaths becoming short as his sobs become more intense. Akira wails. He cries out his emotions, he screams, voice cracking. Sniffing and weeping, he doesn't care if he sees himself in front of the mirror, covered in tears and snot. He's concealed himself under the pretense of being nonchalant about everything. Because he isn't. there is still one thing — person — that exudes all of his emotions. 

"Why do I keep cowering?!" He wails, toes curling. It seems like screaming and crying all of his pain won't suffice. Akira doesn't know how to express his emotions anymore. They have probably decayed and spoiled in his heart, causing it to rot like an abandoned room collecting dusts and cobwebs. "Why do I keep… why do I… why am I like this?" He mutters to himself. 

He shouldn't really be dramatic about it — there could be more opportunities at least ten years from now if the right time isn't now, but no. This is Kageyama Tobio. Tobio is going to leave Japan someday. Someone with his prodigious aptitude will never settle for just their home country. Tobio will fly high and never come back, like a bird. He's going to find a new turf and new people to be with. 

He will find someone to love. 

So Akira has wasted another time. The right time could have been that particular night, because the rest of the other opportunities will most likely blur into nothing. 

Akira sets Tobio free like bird being liberated from its cage. But he wishes he could have set him free along with the affections and feelings he has for him. 

Now these feelings are going to haunt him forever. One cannot let go of someone entirely. They will and always will return to them because they are now a part of each other's souls.

☆ 

Years later, Tobio is bearing the black and red jerseys of Japan, standing on a glistening court.

Years later, Akira passes the bar exams, holding a good luck charm, his friends cheering behind him. 

It's two days after the Olympics when Seijoh decides on having a reunion. Matsukawa Issei and Hanamaki Takahiro wanted to use the opportunity of having Oikawa Tooru still in country. Akira thinks they shouldn't really have invited Tooru if they're having Hajime as well. That's just awkward as hell. Either way, it's alright. He hasn't seen Tooru for years - probably all of them haven't.

When Akira arrives, the expected happens. Hajime isn't there, and Akira is at least twenty minutes late due to traffic. Tooru looks different, and whatever he looks like in the CA San Juan website is different from what he looks now. His skin is tan, hair cleanly cut and less shaggier than before. He's buff, shoulders broader and looks healthy. His fingers are calloused, years of serving, receiving, spiking and of course, setting, being physically a part of him now. 

_Setting, huh._

The whole team of Seijoh is there, but in Kentarou's apartment. Tsukishima Kei becomes an addition to them since he's Kentarou's roommate. Kindaichi has a lot of stories to tell him, even mentioning Tobio as if he doesn't have the slightest idea about Akira and Tobio before. He doesn't know every detail, but he existed when both Tobio and Akira used to share feelings with each other. 

The older ones in the room are already having fun, along with Kindaichi, who becomes the center of fun. He might as well come home drenched with gin.

Akira slips out of the reunion, much to Tooru's dismay, but they all let him go. Tokyo looks so busy, even if the night is ticking into midnight. He's months away from becoming a lawyer, while Tobio is months away from going to Italy. He thinks about him again. He has spent his entire four years in law school without him in his memory and now he's doing exactly what he hates. He sighs. 

Tokyo is crowded with people but Akira feels alone. He's frolicking around, not entirely familiar with his surroundings. And as if he were psychic, he feels the presence of a human being behind him, most likely staring at him and waiting for him to turn around. So when he does turn around, his guess is correct but he didn't expected to see Team Japan's starting setter behind him. Is it just the season or Akira feels hot?

"Kunimi."

"Kageyama."

Akira can't breathe properly. The atmosphere becomes thicker than air. Tobio walks closer to him, but still manages to keep a safe distance between them. "It's late, Kageyama. What are you doing outside?"

"Could ask the same to you." Ah, this scene is so nostalgic. History repeats itself again. It's the same six years ago, when they spent their night in each other's company, ended the hangout with unsaid feelings and frustration blaming them. 

The lawyer huffs, then lowers his gaze. "Seijoh reunion while Oikawa-san is still here." Tobio smiles, and glances at his feet, tapping the tip of his shoe in little anxiety. "It's been a while, has it?" Tobio asks.

_He's referring to the last time we talked._

"Yeah." Akira doesn't want to cry, and doesn't want to become to attached to him again. He doesn't know what he wants to feel. He can no longer let himself mingle in that moment, or else those feelings will resurface again. But his Plan A didn't work when Tobio asks, "Wanna do it again?"

He will probably keep saying yes, even if his feelings will never be returned. So he agrees to his offer, walking to the convenience store nearby. 

_I wish I never harbored those feelings for you._  
Neither Akira nor Tobio know the truth.

**Author's Note:**

> ok so ,,, it's up to you if kunimi or kageyama ends up confessing to the other in the future. i wrote this on a whim so if anyone wants to give me constructive criticism, u can hmu on tumblr ( kiyoomiheat ) or twitter ( ecruirises ) !


End file.
